Kleeman's Last Word

2007 already? What happened to Spring Break?

Time flies like Superman on a bad acid trip, but where does it go? It seems unfathomable that 2007 is already upon us. It just can't be.
Just yesterday, the Texas Longhorns and the USC Trojans squared off in a college championship game destined to become a perennial sports classic. Less than a breath ago, the San Antonio Spurs and the Dallas Mavericks fought relentlessly in one of the most ulcer-inducing game 7's in playoff history. And the last time I filled my water glass, the Houston Astros were pursuing a wonderous 9-game winning streak, as the St. Louis Cardinals were collapsing like an imploding 44-story building.
It really seems like yesterday, 2006 had barely gripped its quick hands on us. That's how fast the years can race by.
With another 365 days to do things differently, I've set forth a few resolutions which I hope to follow strictly.

1) As an avid sports fan, I realize that there are other talented sports franchises besides the Houston Rockets, San Antonio Spurs and Houston Astros. As such, I will no longer throw a tantrum, scream "you suck" and yell obscenities anytime another team beats one of my beloveds. I will also try not to shout such vulgarities after every play.
2) I will not put my heart and soul into the Rockets or Spurs winning a championship. I must realize professional basketball is a game intended for spectator entertainment and losing to the Dallas Mavericks is not the same as being evicted from your home, which is how I treat it.
I will not, however, refrain from calling Dirk Nowitzki "Dork Monkeyface" during regular season and playoff games.
3) I promise to say "puke-jols" at least 100 times less than I did in 2006. It won't be much of an improvement, but every little bit helps. It's a 12-step program, folks.
4) I promise not to think of the Arcade Fire everytime I shit and it smells really bad. I promise to do the same for all the indie bands like them.
5) I WILL get a girlfriend. That's an emphatic "will!" I have a lot to offer a woman and it's time for me to toughen up and ask a girl out.
6) I promise even less frivolous spending.
7) I will treasure the wonderful bond I have with my family more than I did in 2006.
8) I promise to challenge myself intellectualy. Enough that I'll spell intellectually right the first time.
9) I am not dating Jewel Kilcher nor is Tim Duncan's cell phone number on my speed dial. I will come to grips with these tough facts, even if it takes the full 12 months.
Most of all...
10) I pledge to enjoy every minute of 2007 so that when Dec. 31 rolls around again, I'm not asking "where did the time go?"

posted by Robert Kleeman @ 1:28 AM