Kleeman's Last Word

An Over-priced Steak Dinner for the Astros

July's end is nearing and the Astros are still searching for that magic bacon-wrapped filet that sent them to the NLCS in 2004 and the World Series in 2005. The menu is looking increasingly more like a run-down Chili's than Ruth's Chris.
As the Stros' each cut into their steaks, the centers are ice cold, the blood is still fresh and the only warm spots exist on the edges of the meat.
But Brad Lidge is having the most trouble of all. His meat slab is crooked and mishappen. There are bright spots in the flavor, but when his fork reaches center where the temperature matters most, he finds freezer burn and the work of a rookie-chef.
The Astros haven't found the right restaraunt yet. They're ordering all the wrong menu items. It's lucky none of them have fallen victim to food poisoning.

While nobody in the Astros clubhouse or dugout, including Tim Purpura, has probably had to stomach the meal described above, it's clear that nobody on this sagging and lukewarm team deserves Ruth's Chris. Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt have consistently been the exceptions to the rule. Recently, Roger Clemens, Mike Lamb and Andy Pettite have turned themselves around.
But even the veteran Pettite still finds trouble disciplining his arm on the mound.

The glaring elephant in the room is telling this ballclub the obvious through its overbearing trunk--that the essence of offense is a bat making contact with a baseball. Save Lance, every other Astro seems to have forgotten this fundamental concept.

Until Aubrey Huff was hauled in, the highest batting average of .287 belonged to Lance Berkman. Nobody else was hitting above .250. Jason Lane, who was thrown back to the minors as punishment, was hitting a despicable .194.

Even with the pitching pitfalls that have unpredictably plagued the bullpen and the starting rotation, the ball club's combined ERA is in at a more than respectable number.

Taylor Bucholz may have blown the big gasket giving up 6 earned runs in two innings the other night against Cincinati and Brad Lidge added insult to injury by increasing a 2 run gap to 4 in the bottom of the 9th with a ghastly, low-slider.
These humiliating losses will happen and the nervous pitchers will get their just dessert--a degrading loss worthy of 'boos.' Our offense decided to hop in for a few minutes in the eighth inning of that game to narrow a 6-1 lead by 3 runs.

Where are our bats in the 4-2 losses or more importantly, the 1-0's?

They must be off shooting commericials for Coors Light because they are ice cold.
Eric Munson singles, Roy Oswalt smacks a rare double, Biggio sends two runners home, Preston Wilson flys out to deep center and just when you think the offense has snapped together, it comes unglued.
Ausmus strikes out, Biggio strikes out with loaded bases and Preston Wilson's bat couldn't be farther from contact.
B+ to A- pitching from the starting four pitchers Oswalt, Clemens, Pettite and Backe and Lance Berkman's rifling bat will need a lot more help if another deep playoff berth is to be more than the fantasy of frustrated Houston sports writers.

The proposed Tejada trade and the addition of Huff (who's only in the .280's since joining the Stros') are terrific moves on a crowded dance floor. The Astros will have to mow down Cincinati, Arizona and all of the other wild-card chasing national league teams if they hope to tango their way back to the world series.

They're lucky to be only 6 games back from the wild card race. With less than 60 games left to play in the season, that doesn't seem insurmountable.

But try eating a steak that's six minutes undercooked and your tastebuds will be right where this team is.
The Astros need to reach the center of a well-cooked filet in an alarmingly short period. They can't even get their forks past the frozen bacon.

posted by Robert Kleeman @ 11:09 PM