Kleeman's Last Word

Predicted crappy Buzzfest lineup

I love attending concerts, and since I have moved back to Houston, I need one that speaks to me. By "speaks to me" I mean one that features a creative lineup.

I probably missed a terrific opportunity with Linkin Park's Projekt Revolution but hold out that another will come along. After missing Voodoo Fest with Rage Against the Machine and the Smashing Pumpkins and Lollapalooza with Radiohead and Rage, few bills could compensate for those incredible lineups.

Consider this post a rant about a Houston radio show that could fill this void if the organizers gave a fuck--Buzzfest. The Rod Ryan Show will announce the fall edition's lineup at 7:40 a.m. tomorrow morning and I'm not expecting much.

Past Buzzfests I attended have featured the Foo Fighters, Papa Roach, Collective Soul, 3 Doors Down, Spacehog, Breaking Benjamin, Seether, and those are just a few highlights. I will even admit that Nickelback kicked major ass in 2001 and 2005.

The problem with these radio shows is the omnipresence of mediocre, sound-a-like bands that exude zero stage presence and sound like carbon copies of the above bands.

You might feel compelled to lump 3 Doors Down, Nickelback, Breaking Benjamin and Seether into the regurgitated category, but that's probably because you have yet to see them live.

Here is a sterling prediction of a chunk of the Buzzfest lineup. If my educated guesses are correct, consider this a promise not to buy a ticket. Who likes these crappy bands anyways?

10 Years - Tool lite. No personality, zero creativity and again, Maynard wannabe for a singer, and sounds like pussy Tool. Yuck.

Buckcherry - The band's first song "Lit Up" was engaging, even if it was the song I never wanted to play when my mother was driving me somewhere. I can also stand "Crazy Bitch." Let's be honest, though, what the hell else does this band have going for it? This group nearly put me to sleep at CrueFest. Papa Roach played the earlier set and yet kicked Buckcherry's sorry, boring asses to Angola. P Roach stole the non-Motley portion of the festival, while Buckcherry just sucked. Did they sound serviceable and perform the CD material adequately? Yes. That's about it.

The only reason I will listen to new single "Too Drunk to Fuck" is singer Josh Todd's laughable line, "I got so many women comin' after me, I put some booty on layaway."

Evans Blue - Stop booking this band, now! Why do people listen to this flavorless garbage? This band isn't heavy enough to get my endorphins going and not catchy enough to be a millions selling pop group. This is a middle of the road, passionless foursome. Someone should end their misery by driving a semi truck right down the middle of that road. How many Tool lites can there be?

Saving Abel - I have to figure since Shinedown was already announced as one of the bands, that this "didn't Creed break up?" will join the act. Saving Abel and Buckcherry are on Shinedown's tour with Avenged Sevenfold, so it makes sense. Hey - didn't Creed break up? Sorry guys. No offense. You're not my thing.

Theory of a Deadman - Nickelback without the personality or the song writing craftsmanship. I did like one song they did "No Surprise," but everything else I have heard sounds like more middle of the road drivel.

HERE IS MY RIDICULOUS WISH LIST OF BANDS

Rage Against the Machine - Would not happen in a million years, but I would pay the hefty price to land them at a radio-sponsored festival. I NEED to see this band and the closest it has come is New Orleans, during a wedding weekend. I will break the above promise and see all of the above bands if the Buzz lands Rage. Of course, the station will not accomplish that feat, so dream over.

Mute Math - Why is this great New Orleans quartet not popular? If radio stations would freaking play them, they would surely get more requests than Saving Abel.

Weezer - Saw them once at Edgefest in Dallas and would love to see them on another festival bill.

Sixx A.M. - Since The Buzz plays "Life is Beautiful" every hour, this is not such a far-fetched request. I missed this band at CrueFest because of a wretched flat tire and want to see how the incredible "Heroin Diaries" record translates live.

Foo Fighters - I could venture to the Austin City Limits music festival but nah. Tremendous live ensemble worth seeing as many times as possible. Another performance would mark my third time seeing them (Dave Grohl fanatic here).

Apocalyptica - Probably not going to happen, but I would relish a chance to see this all-cello plus a drummer metal group. I can live with missing Ozzfest but wouldn't mind seeing them.

I'll leave the short list at that.

Cheers to mediocrity.

posted by Robert Kleeman @ 9:45 PM